It’s a dubious milestone, but a milestone nonetheless: 30 days of isolation/shutdown/social distancing. Call it what you will: it sucks.
It’s no surprise that we feel like this.
There are good days - days that the sun shines, and you just get on your bike and go. No work for pretty much anyone. It’s like we’re kids again!
Then there are bad days. The sun is still shining, but you feel like everything is going to topple down around you. You’re about 3 seconds away from crying the whole day. With no end in sight to this lockdown, it’s easy to just freak out if you were willing to. Today is a bad day for me.
I’ve allowed myself these 5 second panic attacks for the last couple of years. Just letting myself think of everything all at once. It sounds counterproductive but I think of it as like the opposite of meditation. The trouble now, though, is that there’s no easy shut off. Social media is full of bad news and wildly different opinions about “this is stupid, it’s Fake News!”, or “my mother died last night”. It’s a fucking rollercoaster.
This writing doesn’t feel very good. Sorry. I might come back to it.
